Heart of the Mind:
Engaging Your Inner Power to Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming
by Connirae and Steve Andreas
DESCRIPTION: An engaging introduction to NLP, through 21 chapters, each focusing on a special topic: negotiation negotiation, resolving grief, parenting positively, motivation that works, fulfilling decision-making, and many more. (See Table of Contents.) This book gives you a “front-row seat” in following the accounts of people whose lives have been changed and whose dreams became reality by using their own inner power to change with NLP. Every reader is certain to find many topics of personal relevance. The authors include a step-by-step understanding of how each change occurred, that you can use for those areas in your life that you want to be different.
Even though this book is written as an introduction, it takes you quickly into a great deal of depth. You’ll find material here that isn’t included in other books on NLP. The chapter on “Personal Timelines” for example, reveals how to easily uncover our individual ways of coding time, and how this sometimes forms the basis for our life struggles, and strengths. You’ll learn how gently shifting this inner coding can melt away difficulties and open up talents and gifts. Written by two of the earliest and most respected trainers in the field, the book carries an underlying attitude of heartfulness coloring the skillful guidance available here.
EXCERPT: Ann agreed that her husband Bob often touched her lovingly, and did many considerate things for her. However, it was only when he told her that he loved her that she really felt loved. “I feel really wonderful when he tells me he loves me in that warm low tone he has; I feel safe and complete.” As she said this, Ann smiled, her face softened, and her shoulders settled slightly. “The good feeling lasts for a time, but then after a while the feelings start to fade, and I start wondering again.”
This gave me important information. The problem wasn’t just the different kinds of evidence that Ann and Bob used to know that they were loved. The problem was that for Ann, this sense of being loved didn’t last very long, and it seemed to leave Ann in a more vulnerable position. When Bob was feeling loving and said so, Ann could feel good, but what about when he didn’t feel loving right then, or didn’t say so?
Many of us seek reassurance from others for something we seldom or never experience within ourselves. If we don’t think we are capable, or sexy, or lovable, or worthwhile, we often continually look for others who will tell us that we are. It can be important to develop an inner sense of having these qualities, so that we don’t desperately need the external verification. I decided to find out if this would make a difference for Ann.
I asked Ann if she thought of herself as a lovable person. Ann looked a little startled and confused, and said, “Lovable isn’t something you are! Love is something you get from other people.”
Obviously being lovable was not part of Ann’s self-concept, and I was on the right track. If Ann thought about being lovable as a characteristic of herself, then the good feelings would probably stay with her through time.
When I asked Ann, “What would it be like if you thought of yourself as being lovable?” she replied, “That’s weird!” Ann’s response was further evidence that being able to think of herself as lovable would be useful to her. The easiest way for me to assist Ann in creating a durable way for her to think of herself as lovable is to find out how she already does this with something else. By asking her about something that is part of her self-concept, I can go on to find out how she thinks of this.
“Ann, what is something you know within yourself is true about you–no matter what someone else might think?”
“Well, I guess I’m persistent….I’m intelligent….I know I’m kind.”
When Ann talked about being persistent, she qualified it with “I guess.” In contrast, when she spoke of being kind, she expressed her certainty with, “I know.”
“How do you know you’re kind, Ann? What internal experience gives you that knowing that you’re kind?”
“Well when I think of being kind, I feel soft and warm.”
“That’s the feeling you associate with being kind, but I’m asking you a different question. How do you know you’re a kind person?”
Ann paused for a moment. “Well, I think about times when I’ve been kind.” As she did this, she glanced to her left and gestured briefly with her left hand. This was an indication to me of where in her personal space she sees these images of being kind.
“Good. How do you think of those times that you’ve been kind? Do you talk to yourself, do you see pictures, or do you feel the movements that you make when you’ve been kind?”
“Well, I see pictures of when I’ve been kind to someone.” Ann gestured again with her left hand. There’s a whole bunch of them, sort of in a row. They’re fairly small, about at arm’s length.”
“Good. That’s the information you use to know you’re a kind person. Now, what happens to your sense of yourself as a kind person if you find that you’ve been unkind to someone, either by accident or because you were irritated or something?” By asking this I’m testing to find out if her sense of being a kind person persists through time, even in the face of occasional lapses.
“Well, I’m concerned, and I do what I can to try to clear up the situation, but I still know I’m a kind person.”
“Good. The fact that you try to make things right when you’ve been unkind is further evidence that you’re a kind person, right?”
Ann looked thoughtful. “Well, I never thought about it that way. I guess that’s true. I think I usually just think of all the other times I’ve been kind.”
“Would you have any objection to thinking of yourself as a lovable person in the same way that you think of yourself as a kind person?”
“It still seems strange….I’ve just never thought of being loved that way before. I guess if I had that same kind of sense of being loved, it wouldn’t matter as much whether Bob says he loves me, would it?…No, I have no objection. That might be a good idea.” As Ann carefully thought through the implications of my question, I saw no nonverbal indications of any objections. She was just carefully thinking it through.
“Good. Close your eyes and think of one example of your being lovable and loving, a time when you created an experience of loving and being loved.” … (Ann nods.) “Now put that picture into the same place as one of the pictures of your being kind. Make it exactly the same as the picture of kindness; the same size, the same distance from you, etc.” … (Ann moves her head to the left, indicating that she is moving the picture to the appropriate location, and nods again.) “Now think of another example of loving and being loved, perhaps with a different person or in a different situation.” … (Ann nods.) “Now put this one over there with the other picture. Continue doing this until you have a whole bunch of pictures sort of in a row, fairly small, at arm’s length.” I deliberately used the same words and phrases that Ann initially used to describe her pictures of being kind, to help her create the same inner knowing that lets her know she is a kind person. “Let me know if you need any assistance, and let me know when you’re done.” …
Ann spent a minute or two patiently assembling pictures of herself being lovable and loving, and then said, “OK, I’m done.”
“OK. Open your eyes. That seemed to go smoothly. Do you have any questions?”
“No. It was interesting. At first it still seemed strange, but it does work. With each picture I put over there, I felt a little more solid about it. For some reason, it seemed much better to think of being loving, than being lovable. I’m more in charge if I’m loving, and I can’t be loving unless I’m also lovable, in a way.”
“So are you a loving/lovable person?” By asking this I’m making a first test to see if the change is still there.
Ann’s eyes flicker to the left briefly. “Yes, I am. I can see that now.” As always, her nonverbal behavior–her eyes looking to the left, and her matter-of-fact tone of voice–are more important indications than her verbal answer.
“Now, Bob, in a moment I want you to tell Ann that you love her. Ann, when he does that, I want you to notice if anything is different from before. Go ahead Bob.”
(Softly) “Ann, I love you.”
Ann smiled, while tilting her head slightly. “It’s still nice to hear him say it, but it’s like I already know it. It’s like sometimes when I know I’ve done a good job and then someone compliments me. It’s nice to have someone else notice, but I already know it.”
“Now, Ann, close your eyes and imagine it’s three weeks from now. During all that time Bob has acted the same toward you in every way, except he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ once in those three weeks. What is that like for you?”
Ann smiled broadly. “That’s funny. I heard an internal voice say sort of huffily, ‘Well! It’s about time he did!’ But it was kind of like a joke. It’s no big deal.”
TOC:
Overcoming Stage Fright
Learning to Spell
Becoming More Independent in Relationships
Healing Traumas
Eliminating Allergic Responses
Responding Resourcefully to Criticism
Phobias, Traumas, and Abuse
Positive Intentions
Parenting Positively
Asserting Yourself Respectfully
Resolving Grief
The Naturally Slender Eating Strategy
Resolving Internal Conflict
Recovering from Shame and Guilt
Positive Motivation
Making Decisions
Dealing with Disaster
Intimacy, Safety, and Violence
Personal Timelines
Engaging Your Body’s Natural Ability to Heal
Knowing What You Want
REVIEWS:
“I have observed the psychotherapy scene since the days when Freud was the main voice. Later brief psychotherapy took a mere six months. Now we have the 30-minute and even five-minute cures of NLP. Speed is not the real issue. We must be closing in on the actual design of people. The Andreases are at the forefront of these discoveries. Their new book Heart of the Mind is a needed presentation of these most useful methods. How cheering it is for me to find it is all so much simpler and easier than I had dreamed possible.”
Wilson van Dusen, Ph.D., former Chief Psychologist at Mendocino State Hospital, CA and author of The Natural Depth in Man
“I have known Steve Andreas for 20 years, and I know that the guiding force of his life is to find ever more effective ways for people to realize their potential. In his hands, NLP is a healing force.
Heart of the Mind, written with his partner Connirae, contains a wealth of understanding that can help people become more fully human. It also contains the insight and basic honesty that ensures this knowledge is used wisely and compassionately.”
Hugh Prather, author of Notes to Myself
AUTHOR BIOS
Connirae Andreas, Ph.D., and Steve Andreas, M.A., are internationally-known trainers and developers in NLP. They helped popularize the field by creating books out of the work of the field’s original co-developers, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, and then went on to write of their own explorations and developments. Among the first to be certified as NLP Trainers, their work is widely-respected, and has been translated into over 15 languages. They have had a strong influence in improving the quality of NLP training available internationally through their training manuals, books, and training videotapes made available through NLP Comprehensive in Colorado. For years they coached NLP Trainers along with their primary roles, teaching and writing.
PUBLISHER’S COMMENTS:
There is a new powerful and gentle approach to overcoming life’s problems. Experience the accounts of people whose lives have been changed and whose dreams became realities by tapping their own inner power to change with NLP. Short for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP is a new science that has studied how the mind works, with verifiable and sometimes astonishing results.
NLP offers effective techniques for a wide range of problems including: unwanted habits, guilt, grief, weight loss, abuse, criticism, shame, stage fright, phobias.
NLP also offers ways to enhance self-esteem, improve relationships, become more independent, create positive motivation, eliminate allergic responses, and promote self-healing, and more.
Take a moment and look through the contents of a chapter that interests you. Every case describes what happened with a client or workshop participant. If you are tired of settling for the way things are and want more in your life, want more for your family and those important to you, read this book.
