Last week, we shared Coach Lisa’s exercise on the “Inside Family.”

Today, I want to share her process on building a more supportive “soundtrack” for your life.  I call it “The Good Guys.”

Even those of us who are Master NLP’ers still have self-talk that we are largely unaware of, that is not positive and supportive. Disciplining yourself to a daily practice of befriending your inner self pays off big!

The alternative is like driving through life with one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake: Takes a lot longer to get where you’re going (it also burns a lot of energy and is hard on the car).

Here’s the process:

1. Imagine one of your “naysayer” critic’s voices. What is it saying?  Notice the tonality, the pitch, the volume, the tempo.
2. Now, think of someone who is a great inspiration and mentor.  Imagine that person talking to you about an important goal that you have, or perhaps a mistake that you have made.  Hear their inspiring tonality, pitch, and tempo.
3. Now, imagine the “naysayer” is speaking to you in this NEW way, with their voice tone and tempo and pitch. Perhaps the “message” changes to be softer, more thoughtful, more ? Maybe it’s in the form of a question now?
4. Create and anchor a “Good Guy” (or 2 or 3!) who interrupts the naysayers that run on in your head and beat you up.  Imagine the next week … including some of the stresses and disappointments you may face … with the Good Guys as your coaches. What changes?
5. Repeat and practice often.

Waking up to how we really “talk to ourselves” is a critical step in cultivating greater success.

Get more of your “good guys” on your side and watch immediate change unfolding for you now!

Today you’ll be watching for examples of simultaneous incongruence in your family members and/or co-workers. This task will require your visual and auditory acuity. A person who is displaying simultaneous incongruity might say, “Yes, I’d love to go to the movies,” while shaking their head no. Write down what people say and do when they are simultaneously incongruent. What body movements are you noticing? Are you ever simultaneously incongruent? How do you know?

-Excerpted from the “Unconscious Competence Calendar

Because of the requests as a result of the post “The Inside Family” I’m posting this version of the Parts Party format (you may want to read “The Inside Family” first. :-). Continue reading ‘The Parts Party’

One of our coaches told me the following story, and I thought it was such a great fit with Labor Day I asked her to write it up for you.  Those of you familiar with NLP will appreciate the elegant use of this familiar model in a specific context.

Some years ago, a good friend of mine and I were discussing change. The really big kind.

He had just lost his job and he wanted to achieve the independence of owning his own business.

Clearly, the universe conspires at times to wake us up .  “It feels scary and exhilarating and perfect. I’m facing change AND I need to change” he Continue reading ‘The Inside Family: Getting What You Want More Easily’

This is one of those fascinating instances of how the net develops.

Two guys are creating a filter akin to a spam filter that will bolt on to your browser and filter web pages, posts, and apparently all text for the excessively non-grammatical, hostile, Spam type of entries.  Voila! Sanity spared!  (Oops. hope I haven’t overdone the ’screamers’)

Using NLP language patterns frequently results in some unusual syntax.  It will be interesting to see how the “Stupid Filter” labels them!

The Stupid Filter:  http://stupidfilter.org/main

As you participate in conversations today, notice deletions in your language and the language of others. For example, “I’m angry.” Response might be, “About what specifically?” Write down the deletions in your expressions as well as those communicated by others. If you did not respond to these deletions, how could you have responded to facilitate clearer communications?

Excerpted from the “Unconscious Competence Calendar“

We all have at least one Tough Customer in our life. No matter what we say or do, this person is never satisfied, argues relentlessly, and sees the glass half-empty.

When they’re just passing through, dealing with them is fairly simple. Let them pass, or walk away, or hang up the phone (thanks to caller ID, you may not ever have to answer it). That usually takes care of most of them.

And sometimes the Tough Customer shows up in your life in such an important relationship that you need Continue reading ‘Getting What You Want More Easily: The Tough Customer’

Recently the Allergy Process was mentioned to me as if there was only one version.  No, no, no.  There are two distinct versions, and here are the tried and true exercise formats for both of them!

You can find more instruction and framing in both “Heart of the MInd” and of course a full walk through in the “Allergy Process” Audio CD.

Counter Example Process

Note: This is written for an allergy, but you can use it in any situation where you want to have a more resourceful relationship with something in your environment. Continue reading ‘Allergy Process Formats’

Today notice the physical anchors that you have in place in your work environment. Does the cartoon on your desk make you smile? Does the chair where you normally sit elicit a positive state for you? How can you enhance (or change) physical anchors so that your work day is as pleasant and as productive as you want it to be?

Excerpted from the “Unconscious Competence Calendar“

In the NYT today is another of the reports I’m finding more and more of these days.  The theories behind NLP that were so outre when first proposed 30 years ago are now being re-proposed and validated with increasing frequency by mainstream science particularly in the field of neuroscience.

Here’s a lovely and simple example one such study of how we construct our inner reality.  The folowing paragraph in particular could have been taked directly from an NLP introduction:

“One theory of perception, for instance, holds that the brain builds representations of the world, moment to moment, using the senses to provide clues that are fleshed out into a mental picture based on experience and context. The brain uses neural tricks to do this: approximating, cutting corners, instantaneously and subconsciously choosing what to “see” and what to let pass, neuroscientists say. Magic exposes the inseams, the neural stitching in the perceptual curtain.”

Full Article:  While a Magician Works, the Mind Does the Tricks

Eliciting states from others is a fine art that can be accom-plished in several ways. The first requirement, however, is that you, yourself, have the ability to access a variety of states and maintain them. To practice, access the following states fully while standing before a full length mirror: fun, confidence, peacefulness, excitement, joy, and curiosity. What did you notice about your physiology as you watched yourself in each state? Go through each state again and notice the smallest details of your physiology. How can you use this information when calibrating others’ states?

Excerpted from the “Unconscious Competence Calendar“

Language Directs Attention: Negative Commands - How they don’t work (and do!)

Here Connirae Andreas describes this distinction in a context where it’s a easy to recognize the importance of this distinction!

And whatever you do, don’t start wondering now just how soon you’ll find ways to use these in your life.:-)

Offering Positive Alternatives: Telling Children What We DO Want

Let’s suppose your child came up to you and asked you what you wanted for your birthday, and you said, “Well, I don’t want a magazine subscription. Don’t get me that.” Then your child said, “No, really, what do you want?” You say, “Don’t get me jewelry, and I really don’t want a watch.”

This is the position in which many of us put our children, frequently, when we tell them what not to do. Have you ever heard a parent say “Don’t spill your milk?” “Don’t pester your sister!” or don’t do this or that? These negative outcomes, or negative commands, focus the child’s attention on what we don’t want her to do, but don’t give the child an idea of what to do instead.

Here’s how negative outcomes work. If I say “Don’t think of purple elephants with yellow trunks”, what to you do? Most people immediately make an image of purple elephants with yellow trunks. In fact, you have to do this in order to understand what I am saying.
If you tell your child “Don’t spill the milk,” the child has to think about what it means to spill the milk in Continue reading ‘Negative Commands: One Of The Ways Language Directs Attention’