Heart of the Mind:
Engaging
Your Inner Power to Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming
by Connirae and Steve Andreas
DESCRIPTION: An engaging introduction to NLP, through
21 chapters, each focusing on a special topic: negotiation
negotiation, resolving grief, parenting positively, motivation
that works, fulfilling decision-making, and many more. (See
Table of Contents.) This book gives you a "front-row seat" in
following the accounts of people whose lives have been changed
and whose dreams became reality by using their own inner power
to change with NLP. Every reader is certain to find many topics
of personal relevance. The authors include a step-by-step understanding
of how each change occurred, that you can use for those areas
in your life that you want to be different.
Even though this book is written as an introduction, it takes
you quickly into a great deal of depth. You'll find material
here that isn't included in other books on NLP. The chapter
on "Personal Timelines" for example, reveals how to
easily uncover our individual ways of coding time, and how this sometimes forms
the basis for our life struggles, and strengths. You'll learn how gently shifting
this inner coding can melt away difficulties and open up talents and gifts. Written
by two of the earliest and most respected trainers in the field, the book carries
an underlying attitude of heartfulness coloring the skillful guidance available
here.
EXCERPT: Ann agreed that her husband Bob often touched her lovingly, and
did many considerate things for her. However, it was only when he told her that
he loved her that she really felt loved. "I feel really wonderful when he tells
me he loves me in that warm low tone he has; I feel safe and complete." As she
said this, Ann smiled, her face softened, and her shoulders settled slightly. "The
good feeling lasts for a time, but then after a while the feelings start to fade,
and I start wondering again."
This gave me important information. The problem wasn't just the different kinds
of evidence that Ann and Bob used to know that they were loved. The problem was
that for Ann, this sense of being loved didn't last very long, and it seemed
to leave Ann in a more vulnerable position. When Bob was feeling loving and said
so, Ann could feel good, but what about when he didn't feel loving right then,
or didn't say so?
Many of us seek reassurance from others for something we seldom or never experience
within ourselves. If we don't think we are capable, or sexy, or lovable, or worthwhile,
we often continually look for others who will tell us that we are. It can be
important to develop an inner sense of having these qualities, so that we don't
desperately need the external verification. I decided to find out if this would
make a difference for Ann.
I asked Ann if she thought of herself as a lovable person. Ann looked a
little startled and confused, and said, "Lovable isn't something you are!
Love is something you get from other people."
Obviously being lovable was not part of Ann's self-concept, and I was on the
right track. If Ann thought about being lovable as a characteristic of herself,
then the good feelings would probably stay with her through time.
When I asked Ann, "What would it be like if you thought of yourself as being
lovable?" she replied, "That's weird!" Ann's response was further evidence that
being able to think of herself as lovable would be useful to her. The easiest
way for me to assist Ann in creating a durable way for her to think of herself
as lovable is to find out how she already does this with something else. By asking
her about something that is part of her self-concept, I can go on to find out
how she thinks of this.
"Ann, what is something you know within yourself is true about you--no matter
what someone else might think?"
"Well, I guess I'm persistent....I'm intelligent....I know I'm kind."
When Ann talked about being persistent, she qualified it with "I guess." In contrast,
when she spoke of being kind, she expressed her certainty with, "I know."
"How do you know you're kind, Ann? What internal experience gives you that knowing
that you're kind?"
"Well when I think of being kind, I feel soft and warm."
"That's the feeling you associate with being kind, but I'm asking you a different
question. How do you know you're a kind person?"
Ann paused for a moment. "Well, I think about times when I've been kind." As
she did this, she glanced to her left and gestured briefly with her left hand.
This was an indication to me of where in her personal space she sees these images
of being kind.
"Good. How do you think of those times that you've been kind? Do you talk to
yourself, do you see pictures, or do you feel the movements that you make when
you've been kind?"
"Well, I see pictures of when I've been kind to someone." Ann gestured again
with her left hand. There's a whole bunch of them, sort of in a row. They're
fairly small, about at arm's length."
"Good. That's the information you use to know you're a kind person. Now, what
happens to your sense of yourself as a kind person if you find that you've been
unkind to someone, either by accident or because you were irritated or something?" By
asking this I'm testing to find out if her sense of being a kind person persists
through time, even in the face of occasional lapses.
"Well, I'm concerned, and I do what I can to try to clear up the situation, but
I still know I'm a kind person."
"Good. The fact that you try to make things right when you've been unkind is
further evidence that you're a kind person, right?"
Ann looked thoughtful. "Well, I never thought about it that way. I guess that's
true. I think I usually just think of all the other times I've been kind."
"Would you have any objection to thinking of yourself as a lovable person in
the same way that you think of yourself as a kind person?"
"It still seems strange....I've just never thought of being loved that way before.
I guess if I had that same kind of sense of being loved, it wouldn't matter as
much whether Bob says he loves me, would it?...No, I have no objection. That
might be a good idea." As Ann carefully thought through the implications of my
question, I saw no nonverbal indications of any objections. She was just carefully
thinking it through.
"Good. Close your eyes and think of one example of your being lovable and loving,
a time when you created an experience of loving and being loved." ... (Ann nods.) "Now
put that picture into the same place as one of the pictures of your being kind.
Make it exactly the same as the picture of kindness; the same size, the same
distance from you, etc." ... (Ann moves her head to the left, indicating that
she is moving the picture to the appropriate location, and nods again.) "Now
think of another example of loving and being loved, perhaps with a different
person or in a different situation." ... (Ann nods.) "Now put this one over there
with the other picture. Continue doing this until you have a whole bunch of pictures
sort of in a row, fairly small, at arm's length." I deliberately used the same
words and phrases that Ann initially used to describe her pictures of being kind,
to help her create the same inner knowing that lets her know she is a kind person. "Let
me know if you need any assistance, and let me know when you're done." ...
Ann spent a minute or two patiently assembling pictures of herself being lovable
and loving, and then said, "OK, I'm done."
"OK. Open your eyes. That seemed to go smoothly. Do you have any questions?"
"No. It was interesting. At first it still seemed strange, but it does work.
With each picture I put over there, I felt a little more solid about it. For
some reason, it seemed much better to think of being loving, than being lovable.
I'm more in charge if I'm loving, and I can't be loving unless I'm also lovable,
in a way."
"So are you a loving/lovable person?" By asking this I'm making a first test
to see if the change is still there.
Ann's eyes flicker to the left briefly. "Yes, I am. I can see that now." As always,
her nonverbal behavior--her eyes looking to the left, and her matter-of-fact
tone of voice--are more important indications than her verbal answer.
"Now, Bob, in a moment I want you to tell Ann that you love her. Ann, when he
does that, I want you to notice if anything is different from before. Go ahead
Bob."
(Softly) "Ann, I love you."
Ann smiled, while tilting her head slightly. "It's still nice to hear him say
it, but it's like I already know it. It's like sometimes when I know I've done
a good job and then someone compliments me. It's nice to have someone else notice,
but I already know it."
"Now, Ann, close your eyes and imagine it's three weeks from now. During all
that time Bob has acted the same toward you in every way, except he hasn't said
'I love you' once in those three weeks. What is that like for you?"
Ann smiled broadly. "That's funny. I heard an internal voice say sort of huffily,
'Well! It's about time he did!' But it was kind of like a joke. It's no big deal."
TOC:
Overcoming Stage Fright
Learning to Spell
Becoming More Independent in Relationships
Healing Traumas
Eliminating Allergic Responses
Responding Resourcefully to Criticism
Phobias, Traumas, and Abuse
Positive Intentions
Parenting Positively
Asserting Yourself Respectfully
Resolving Grief
The Naturally Slender Eating Strategy
Resolving Internal Conflict
Recovering from Shame and Guilt
Positive Motivation
Making Decisions
Dealing with Disaster
Intimacy, Safety, and Violence
Personal Timelines
Engaging Your Body's Natural Ability to Heal
Knowing What You Want
REVIEWS:
"I have observed the psychotherapy scene since the days when Freud was the main
voice. Later brief psychotherapy took a mere six months. Now we have the 30-minute
and even five-minute cures of NLP. Speed is not the real issue. We must be closing
in on the actual design of people. The Andreases are at the forefront of these
discoveries. Their new book Heart of the Mind is a needed presentation of these
most useful methods. How cheering it is for me to find it is all so much simpler
and easier than I had dreamed possible."
Wilson van Dusen, Ph.D., former Chief Psychologist at Mendocino State
Hospital, CA and author of The Natural Depth in Man
"I have known Steve Andreas for 20 years, and I know that the guiding force of
his life is to find ever more effective ways for people to realize their potential.
In his hands, NLP is a healing force.
Heart of the Mind, written with his partner Connirae, contains a wealth of understanding
that can help people become more fully human. It also contains the insight and
basic honesty that ensures this knowledge is used wisely and compassionately."
Hugh Prather, author of Notes to Myself
AUTHOR BIOS
Connirae Andreas, Ph.D., and Steve Andreas, M.A., are internationally-known
trainers and developers in NLP. They helped popularize the field by creating
books out of the work of the field's original co-developers, Richard Bandler
and John Grinder, and then went on to write of their own explorations and developments.
Among the first to be certified as NLP Trainers, their work is widely-respected,
and has been translated into over 15 languages. They have had a strong influence
in improving the quality of NLP training available internationally through their
training manuals, books, and training videotapes made available through NLP Comprehensive
in Colorado. For years they coached NLP Trainers along with their primary roles,
teaching and writing.
PUBLISHER'S COMMENTS:
There is a new powerful and gentle approach to overcoming life's problems. Experience
the accounts of people whose lives have been changed and whose dreams became
realities by tapping their own inner power to change with NLP. Short for Neuro-Linguistic
Programming, NLP is a new science that has studied how the mind works, with verifiable
and sometimes astonishing results.
NLP offers effective techniques for a wide range of problems including: unwanted
habits, guilt, grief, weight loss, abuse, criticism, shame, stage fright, phobias.
NLP also offers ways to enhance self-esteem, improve relationships, become more
independent, create positive motivation, eliminate allergic responses, and promote
self-healing, and more.
Take a moment and look through the contents of a chapter that interests you.
Every case describes what happened with a client or workshop participant. If
you are tired of settling for the way things are and want more in your life,
want more for your family and those important to you, read this book.
