Changing A Life In 3 minutes: NLP In Action

Quick change is usually easier, and kinder, than the alternatives. Most of all, it’s a skill anyone can learn.

1011 words; Reading Time 3.88 minutes

Most people think that making big changes in life takes a lot of effort and a lot of time, and the bigger the change the harder it will be.

Not so. Not even close.

Here’s a story of how fast and easily you can do this.

One day years ago before I had really studied much NLP I found myself dramatically affecting someone’s life without even planning to.

I was living in Santa Cruz, California, where a brilliant chef started a little café he named “India Joze.” It was located in the Art Center, making for a great match of cuisine and ambiance. This quickly became the restaurant where I took all my visiting friends for a truly memorable evening.

One evening, finding another excuse to stretch my budget in service of celebrating life, I headed there. It happened my favorite hostess was on duty that night. The evening being a little slow, when I asked how things were going for her, she actually answered the question.

“I’ve just turned twenty nine, and I really don’t know what to do with my life” she replied. Taken a bit aback (how often does someone really answer social questions like “how are you doing?”) I asked, in all innocence, “Well, if you could do what you really wanted, what would that be?”

She sighed and said, “I’d go to the Parsons School of Design and get my art degree.”

Being in a relaxed mood, nothing at risk on my part, and awaiting with anticipation another delightful dining experience (did I mention their house wine was David Bruce – back when he first started vinting?) I just said what came to mind: “Well, what stops you?”

“It would take 5 years, and I’d be thirty four.”

Her expression was bordering on despair.

“So, let me get this straight” I said. “You really want to go to art school, but you’re twenty nine now, and you’d be thirty four when you finished. Right?”

“Yes” was the quick reply.

“Well, then what’s really so is that in five years you will be thirty four.

Your choice is simply that you’ll either be thirty four with your art degree, or you’ll be thirty four without it.”

There was rather a surprised look on her face as her assistant arrived to announce our table and lead us away.

We proceeded to have another wonderful evening with an interesting combination of flavors and textures and fragrances.  By the end of the evening the earlier conversation had passed from memory.

That is until a few months later when I found myself again greeting my favorite hostess at India Joze.

The difference in her appearance from the moment I walked in was striking.  She was again her vibrant, engaging self. On seeing me, her face lit up (a response that is very useful to elicit in your favorite hostess at your favorite restaurant).  Before I could even say hello, she said: “You’ve changed my life.”

Since her expression indicated it was a highly favorable change, and not one I wanted to dodge, I said “How? Tell me.”

“When you were here just after my 29th birthday, you asked me what I wanted to do. I told you, and then I said I was too old – I’d be thirty four when I finished. You replied that in five years I’d be thirty four, no matter what I did, and I’d either be thirty four with my art degree, or thirty four without it.

Well, I applied to Parsons, I’ve been accepted, and I start school this fall. I’ve only got three more weeks here and I’ll be moving back east.”

I was pretty dumbfounded. Just a casual question can have that much impact?

Yes it can.  We all have impacts like this, positive or otherwise, more often that we think. It was her telling me of the result that made me aware of it.  How often do we get that critical bit of news of our affect on people?

So the world gained an art student, and a restaurant lost a hostess. Accidental as it was, somehow I think it is a better thing I did, to have lost a hostess and gained an artist, than to have simply let her stew in her regrets, living with a limited future.

A more typically friendly reaction to her original complaint would be sympathizing with her feelings of regret and sadness. Instead, by offering a gentle challenge to the way she was thinking of her situation, I opened that frame up and jumped her forward in time to compare her alternatives as she expressed them, and to see these as choices.  Change a mind, change a life.

Knowing what I do now, I realize this wasn’t at all sophisticated or precise. I’d only read one NLP book, and had a brief tutoring session with an NLP coach. A lot was left out and a lot presupposed (like she had the ability to get accepted to one of the most exclusive design schools in the US!). Still, not bad for just reading a book and a little practice.

Such a small investment on my part. Such a large return.

How much would you like to have choices like this, as easy as this? How many opportunities to make a difference pass you by for lack of better ways to respond?

Learning NLP gives you a set of skills that give more choice about doing and having what you really want consistently, effectively, and with greater ease.

It gives us greater response ability.

So I changed someone’s life for the better, just because I’d read a book, learned a little, and applied it.

Finding out how you can put NLP to work for you is a premium investment to make.  It’s one of the only investments with guaranteed returns that no one can take from you, no matter how markets or governments or banks behave.

You’ll find a multitude of ways for you in the resources we offer you on our website, in our trainings and courses. Browse around; get the free DVD or audios; chat with Sharon, ask some questions.

Cheers,

Tom

PS: Training is Coming! Is this the year for you? CLICK HERE to find out.  You can get a great start with the best selling NLP Self book, “NLP: The New Technology of Achievement.”

PPS: Can’t come to us? We’ll come to you! The NLP Portable Practitioner Training puts the NLP Comprehensive Training Team in your living room! CLICK HERE.

3 thoughts on “Changing A Life In 3 minutes: NLP In Action”

  1. Pingback: Changing Life In 3 minutes: NLP In Action

  2. Hi Maureen,
    (Oops – I wrote a response right after your question, and it disappeared 🙁

    I didn’t mean to suggest that this was a specific NLP product; I meant this story simply to illustrate that with NLP, even learning just a little, you can effect change this simply and rapidly.

    If you’d like some more examples – and some tools you can get and use now – look here at the book “Heart of the Mind
    and here at the all time best selling audio and book”NLP: The New Technology of Achievement“whichincludes a full 21 Day program of quick and easy changes you can use now.

    Now, of course, you could use the same series of questions I asked in this story to assist you in imagining the future you’d like for yourself, and deciding that it’s worth having.

    I tried this on myself over the weekend a couple of times. I found that for me at 60 looking out five years didn’t seem to create the kind of compelling response that five years out for a twenty nine year old did.

    So you many want to try this with a different chunk size of time. For me, going out ten years stimulated some good ideas: “What to I want to be so in my life at 70?” (OK, scary to think of myself as 70. However, considering the alternative, still preferable.)

    Then, as I examined my choices, I struck off those that had too many elements too much out of my control. For instance, I could decide that I wanted to be in the best physical condition possible.

    Defined precisely, this is largely up to me. Choices that will determine this (barring of course accidents or injury) are mine; they’re lifestyle choices. A more elegant way to frame this would be to use phrasing like: “In ten years I want to have lived with the healthiest lifestyle choices available to me.” In NLP this is referred to as “locus of control.” It’s a key element in choosing our future, and our present.

    Cheers,
    Tom

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