If you’ve ever watched someone do something brilliantly and thought, “How do they make it look so easy?” — you’re not alone. Whether it’s a leader who commands the room, a coach who inspires breakthroughs, or a parent who handles chaos with calm, there’s often a method behind their magic.
In NLP, we call that method modeling. And it’s one of the most powerful tools for personal and professional transformation.
What Is Modeling in NLP?
Modeling is the process of identifying how someone achieves exceptional results and then replicating that strategy. It’s more than imitation — it’s about understanding what they do, how they think, and how they feel when they do it.
The goal? To make their excellence your new normal.
NLP was literally born from modeling. Bandler and Grinder studied people like Virginia Satir and Milton Erickson to figure out what made them extraordinary. They didn’t just learn from them—they deconstructed and replicated their patterns.
And you can do the same.
Why Modeling Works (Better Than Motivation)
Motivation wears off. Modeling installs.
You’ve probably experienced this: You read a great book, get inspired by a podcast, or watch a motivational speaker—and for a few days, you’re on fire. But then real life creeps back in, and that spark fades.
That’s because motivation is a temporary state. It gets you excited, but it doesn’t teach you how to get the results you want.
Modeling does.
When you model someone, you’re not just getting pumped up—you’re learning a repeatable system for producing results. Instead of trying to “get better” by working harder or guessing your way forward, you’re decoding a real-life example of success and applying it to your own situation.
In other words, you stop throwing spaghetti at the wall—and start following a proven recipe.
Modeling helps you:
- Get clear on what works and why
- Shorten the learning curve
- Build confidence through repeatable strategies
It’s not magic. It’s method.
And once you install that method, you don’t need to rely on hype or hustle. You’ve got a process you can return to any time you want to grow.
Motivation wears off. Modeling installs.
Most people try to improve by trying harder. But effort without a strategy can leave you exhausted and stuck. Modeling gives you a shortcut to mastery by showing you the map.
Instead of guessing your way forward, you:
- Find someone who’s already succeeding
- Discover how they do it
- Practice doing the same (in your own way)
The 3 Pillars of Modeling Excellence
To model someone effectively, you need to pay attention to three key areas. Think of them as lenses that help you see the full picture of how excellence actually works—not just on the outside, but under the hood.
Most people only focus on behavior, trying to copy actions. But modeling in NLP goes deeper. We want to know how they think, what they believe, and what emotional state they operate from when they’re performing at their best.
This is where transformation lives—not in parroting someone’s style, but in replicating the internal structure that creates their success.
To model someone effectively, you need to pay attention to three key areas:
1. Behavior (What They Do)
This is what you can see and hear.
- How do they move?
- What do they say (and how do they say it)?
- What’s their timing, rhythm, and flow?
Try this: Watch a TED Talk from a speaker you admire. Take notes on exactly what they do with their body, their voice, their pacing.
2. Thinking (How They Process)
Now dig underneath. What’s going on internally?
- What are they focusing on?
- What beliefs do they hold?
- What questions do they ask themselves?
Try this: Imagine stepping into their shoes before a big event. What would they visualize? What would they say to themselves?
3. State (How They Feel)
Excellence often lives in emotional states like calm, confidence, or creativity.
- How do they manage their nerves?
- What triggers their focus?
- What do they do to “get in the zone”?
Try this: Before your next big moment, anchor a powerful emotion. Recall a time you felt unstoppable. Stand the way you did. Breathe the same way. Bring that state into the present.
5 Steps to Start Modeling Today
Here’s a practical, step-by-step way to apply modeling right now.
Step 1: Choose Your Model
Pick someone who is consistently successful at what you want to improve.
Be specific. Don’t just say, “I want to be a better leader.”
Say: “I want to lead meetings like Lisa, who always keeps the team engaged.”
Step 2: Observe Like a Scientist
Watch what they do. Listen closely.
Use Sensory Acuity (NLP 101) to notice small patterns:
- Do they pause before answering?
- Do they use open body language?
- What kind of questions do they ask?
Take notes. Even better—record them (if appropriate) and review.
Step 3: Unpack Their Strategy
Try to discover their internal process:
- What do they believe about the situation?
- How do they prepare?
- What thoughts run through their mind before and during?
Exercise: If possible, ask your model: “What goes through your head before you [do the thing]?”
If you can’t talk to them, look for interviews, articles, or behind-the-scenes footage.
Step 4: Recreate the Pattern
Now try it for yourself.
Adopt their behaviors. Practice their inner dialogue. Use their emotional prep techniques.
But don’t try to be them.
Your goal is to adapt their strategies to your strengths.
Exercise: Script out your next high-stakes interaction (presentation, conversation, etc.) using your model’s style. Rehearse it in the mirror or on video.
Step 5: Refine With Feedback
After you try it, ask:
- What worked?
- What felt off?
- What results did I get?
Keep adjusting. Keep practicing. Over time, you’ll build your own version of the excellence you observed.
Real-World Example: The Calm Negotiator
Let’s say you struggle with staying calm in high-pressure meetings. Maybe your heart races. Maybe you start talking too fast. Maybe you leave those meetings thinking, *”Why didn’t I handle that better?”
Now imagine you’ve got a colleague—let’s call her Maya—who always seems cool under pressure. She listens deeply, responds thoughtfully, and rarely looks rattled.
You decide to model Maya.
First, you observe:
- Behavior: She speaks slowly and clearly. She leans back in her chair, nods occasionally, and maintains eye contact.
- Thinking: Maya believes that every problem has a solution—and that most tension is temporary. She mentally reframes challenges as puzzles to solve.
- State: Before meetings, she takes a few deep breaths, reminds herself of her intention, and imagines things going well. She often smiles—genuinely—as a way to connect and defuse tension.
You try it. You build in deep breathing before your next meeting. You rehearse a few of her calming thoughts: “There’s always a way forward.” You visualize staying grounded, even if things get heated. And when the meeting starts, you slow down your speech and mirror some of Maya’s relaxed posture.
The result? You feel more composed. You listen better. You handle pushback without going on the defensive. And best of all—you leave the meeting feeling proud of how you showed up.
That’s the power of modeling.
You didn’t copy Maya. You decoded her success and adapted it to fit you.
And now, you have a repeatable system to show up more powerfully under pressure.
Let’s say you struggle with staying calm in high-pressure meetings.
You notice a colleague who always seems cool under fire.
You start to model them:
- Behavior: They speak slowly, lean back slightly, and keep eye contact.
- Thinking: They believe every problem has a solution. They focus on the big picture.
- State: They breathe deeply before responding and smile often.
You try it. You prepare with the same beliefs. You slow down. You breathe. You smile.
The result? The meeting goes smoother. You feel more in control. You handle pushback better.
That’s modeling.
Bonus Tactic: Use the TOTE Model
The TOTE model (Test-Operate-Test-Exit) is an NLP framework that helps you break down the structure of a behavior or mental process. Think of it like a diagnostic tool. It shows you the internal “programming” someone is running when they act, make decisions, or respond to a situation.
What It Stands For:
- Test: Something triggers the process. It could be a question, an event, or a feeling. This is where the person checks, *”Do I need to take action?”
- Operate: If the answer is yes, they act. This is the behavior or mental strategy they use.
- Test Again: After the action, they check, *”Did I get the result I wanted?”
- Exit: If the result is satisfactory, they stop the process. If not, they might loop back to Operate and try something else.
Why It Matters
The TOTE model helps you reveal the hidden steps behind someone’s behavior. Many high performers don’t consciously know what they do—they just do it. But when you apply TOTE, you start to see the subtle triggers and internal checkpoints that guide their actions.
This is especially useful when modeling excellence, because:
- It gives you a map of how a strategy unfolds
- It helps you identify patterns that aren’t visible on the surface
- It shows you what to tweak if you want to improve or adapt the behavior
Try This:
Pick a routine or successful habit you’ve observed in someone else (or yourself). Use the TOTE model to break it down:
- What starts the process?
- What actions do they take?
- How do they check if it’s working?
- When and why do they stop?
Once you see the pattern, you can recreate it—or even improve it—for yourself.
The TOTE model (Test-Operate-Test-Exit) is a great way to analyze strategies:
- Test: What triggers the behavior?
- Operate: What actions do they take?
- Test Again: Are they getting the result?
- Exit: Once successful, they stop the loop.
Exercise: Break down a model’s routine using this format. It helps reveal hidden steps.
Final Thoughts: Practice Makes Pattern
Modeling is not mimicry. It’s learning to think, feel, and act like someone who’s already getting the results you want.
It’s a learnable skill. And like anything worth mastering, it gets better with practice.
So pick a skill. Choose a model. Follow the steps.
And don’t be surprised when people start asking you…
“How do you make it look so easy?”
Want more? The Hack Your Brain NLP Practitioner Course goes even deeper into modeling, state management, strategy elicitation, and more.
You don’t just learn the theory. You learn how to apply it.
Ready to model excellence? Start today.