We’ve all heard it—“I don’t know.”
It sounds honest, maybe even humble. But in most cases, it’s a cognitive dead-end.
From an NLP perspective, this phrase often marks the boundary between conscious incompetence and learned helplessness—where curiosity stops and stuckness begins.
So what’s the alternative?
Ask this: “How would you find out?”
It’s one of the most powerful, elegant reframes you can use in coaching, leadership, or even in your own self-talk. This simple question bypasses “I don’t know” and shifts the brain from confusion to possibility.
Let’s look at how it works.
Why “I Don’t Know” Is a Problem State
“I don’t know” isn’t just a phrase. It’s a neurological signal that can pull someone into a problem state—where options feel invisible and forward motion stalls.
In NLP, we know that language patterns can shape cognition. “I don’t know” shuts down the map. It limits access to resources.
But what if the map isn’t broken—just unexplored?
That’s where this one question comes in.
The Reframe: “How Would You Find Out?”
When you ask someone, “How would you find out?”, you’re doing more than prompting action.
You’re reframing their identity from passive responder to active seeker.
This question assumes competence. It opens the door to strategies, behaviors, and inner resources they already have—just haven’t tapped into yet.
In practical terms, it shifts the brain from limbic loop (fight, flight, freeze) into executive function (problem solving, planning, creativity).
It’s not magic. It’s just really good NLP.
Quick Examples from the Field
Stuck in Business?
“I don’t know what my audience wants.”
→ “How would you find out?”
Now you’re brainstorming market research tools, message testing, and real audience feedback.
Stuck in Communication?
“I don’t know what they’d say if I brought it up.”
→ “How would you find out?”
Now the mind moves to strategy, test language, pacing, and approach planning.
Stuck in Emotion?
“I don’t know how to keep going.”
→ “How would you find out?”
Now the nervous system starts scanning for supports, models, resources, and next best steps.
Each version of this question pulls the person from problem state into outcome state.
Use It Everywhere: NLP in Action
With Clients
Use it when a client says:
- “I don’t know what I want.”
- “I don’t know how to decide.”
- “I don’t know what’s wrong.”
Ask them: “How would you find out?”
You’ll be surprised how often their brain starts offering up ideas.
With Teams
Instead of giving the answer, return the responsibility.
“Great question. How would you go about finding that out?”
This builds autonomy and resourcefulness.
With Yourself
Self-coaching? Use it in your internal dialogue:
“I don’t know how to launch this.”
→ “How would I find out?”
This question opens the door to next steps, instead of staying stuck in fog.
NLP in One Line: From Stuck to Strategic
We often talk about “simple but not easy.” This is both.
“How would you find out?” is one of the most elegant examples of NLP reframing in the wild.
It’s not about giving people answers—it’s about giving them back access to their own strategies.
Use it often. Use it well.
And if you want more tools like this, explore our Hack Your Brain training or subscribe for free insights every week.