Rebuilding After the Fire: How NLP Helped Us Survive and Thrive
On September 7, 2024, we lost everything. Our home, our belongings—everything we had ever owned except for what fit into a small bag. We escaped with our lives, our pets, three t-shirts, and a pair of jeans. In the days and weeks that followed, we faced one of the most difficult journeys imaginable. And without NLP, I truly believe we wouldn’t have bounced back as quickly as we did.
If you are on this journey right now, if you have lost your home, if you are staring at what feels like an insurmountable mountain of grief and uncertainty—I want you to know that you will get through this. It won’t be easy, but you have more strength in you than you realize. And I want to share with you how NLP helped us navigate this journey so that it might help you too.
The Immediate Aftermath: Managing the Chaos
In the first few days after the fire, our emotions ran wild. Shock, disbelief, and a deep sense of bewilderment took hold. We kept asking ourselves: What do we do now? How do we even begin?
One of the first things NLP helped us with was managing our internal dialogue. It’s easy to fall into patterns of “awfulizing” when everything feels lost. We made a conscious effort to control our language—both in how we spoke to ourselves and to each other. Instead of saying, We lost everything, we began reframing it as, We survived. We have a new starting point.
What you tell yourself in times of crisis matters. The words you use shape your reality. If you tell yourself this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, it will be. But if you tell yourself this is a new chapter, an opportunity to rebuild, then that becomes true too.
Staying in a Resourceful State
The biggest challenge was staying in solution mode rather than problem mode. It would have been easy to spiral into despair, but we knew that wasn’t going to help us move forward.
We used anchoring to tap into positive states when we needed them. When panic or grief hit, we intentionally triggered emotions of strength and resilience.
We also used the swish pattern to reframe trauma. Instead of replaying the image of our home burning, we mentally replaced it with an image of the future we were working toward—a new home, new opportunities, and safety.
The Shift from Recovery to Rebuilding
One of the most powerful realizations we had was this: We were not recovering—we were rebuilding.
The word “recovery” implies getting back something that was lost. But in truth, there was no going back. Once we accepted that, everything changed. We shifted from focusing on what was gone to what we were creating next.
This mindset shift was everything. It meant we weren’t waiting to “heal” before taking action. We focused on what we could do, step by step, to move forward.
Decision-Making Without Emotional Overload
When faced with endless decisions—where to live, what to replace, how to handle insurance—it was easy to get overwhelmed. This is where NLP became invaluable.
We learned to separate emotion from decision-making. While emotions are valid, they aren’t always useful when making important choices. We used state management techniques to put ourselves in a calm, resourceful mindset before making decisions.
We also recognized the importance of knowing when to process emotions and when to set them aside. There were moments for grief, but there were also times when we had to focus on action. NLP helped us toggle between those states as needed.
Asking for Help and Building Rapport
Getting help after a disaster is hard. People mean well, but they don’t always know what to say or do. We quickly learned that using rapport and clear communication was essential to getting financial aid, assistance, and emotional support.
We reminded ourselves that people were doing their best. Instead of getting frustrated, we took the time to educate others on what we needed. If we didn’t know what we needed yet, we told them that too.
If you’re in this situation, ask for help. There is no shame in it. And when help is offered, accept it.
Actionable Advice for Different Roles
If You Have Been Through This
- Practice state management. Use deep breathing or anchoring to access calm, confident states when dealing with difficult situations.
- Reframe your experience. Instead of focusing on what was lost, focus on what you are creating moving forward.
- Set small, achievable goals. Rebuilding is overwhelming—break it down into manageable steps.
- Express gratitude. Even in the worst times, find moments to be thankful. It will change your perspective.
If You Want to Help a Loved One
- Be present. Sometimes, just listening without offering solutions is the best support you can give.
- Offer specific help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” say, “I can bring you dinner or help with paperwork—what would be most helpful?”
- Respect their process. Everyone heals differently. Give them space to feel their emotions and navigate their journey in their own way.
If You Are a Coach Supporting Clients
- Use future pacing. Help your clients visualize a strong, empowered version of themselves thriving in the future.
- Guide them in reframing. Teach them how to shift their internal dialogue from despair to resilience.
- Encourage resourceful states. Help them anchor positive emotions and stay in solution mode rather than problem mode.
If You’re Facing This Right Now…
To anyone who has just lost their home, I want you to know this:
- This is tough. Some of the toughest stuff imaginable. But you’ve got this.
- People will say things that hurt, even if they don’t mean to. Don’t take it personally.
- Lean on others. You don’t have to do this alone.
- You will be okay. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But you will be.
And most importantly—focus on what’s next. You are not just surviving; you are rebuilding.
Final Thoughts
Looking back, I’ve gained more perspective than I ever thought possible. Things that used to bother me no longer do. My gratitude runs deeper than I ever imagined. And through it all, NLP was the foundation that kept us moving forward.
If you are in the middle of this journey, use every tool you can to take control of your state, your thoughts, and your language. NLP can help you navigate this in ways you never thought possible. And if nothing else, remember this:
You are stronger than you know. You will rise from this. And when you do, you will be unstoppable.