Confidence You Can Take With You…Everywhere? Yes.

Here is another great piece from our new book, “NLP: The Essential Guide”. It’s a unique story and process you haven’t seen before.

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Tom Dotz

PS: The book has gotten really nice reviews from the people I was able to supply¬† with preview copies. I’ve included a few of their impressions after the excerpt.


Confidence You Can Take With You…Everywhere? Yes.

Word Count: 897 reading time: 3.58  minutes


“Let’s experiment with a technique to deliberately increase your confidence. This activity will change your mind and what your reference images are. First, though, there are some serious things to consider whenever you come to the issue of confidence.

A lot of people have said, “Can you give me more confidence? I just want more confidence all the time.”

This is like wishing for eternal sunshine and permanent happiness. It’s a silly idea, and if you had it, you’d probably soon regret it. Permanent anything eliminates choice and without choice, we’re simply robots, right? If, for example, you automated confidence so you had it all the time, you could get yourself in some hot water pretty easily. Imagine being so confident that you carelessly walk down a dark alley in the wrong part of town. Think that would be such a great experience? Sure might poke a hole in your permanent happiness.

There is an apocryphal (I hope) story about a man at one of those “be all you can be” seminars who got himself so jacked up with confidence he tried to swim the Molokai channel (26 miles of rough ocean) – and was never heard from again. Naturally, you can enjoy a solid sense of confidence in situations where you know you have what¬† it takes to perform. That’s an appropriate place to use this process to rev up your confidence so it’s really strong.

That said, there is a confidence you can have in all situations. Regardless of the context, and whether you have even been there before, there’s one ability that you have everywhere. That’s your ability to learn. You can learn from any and every situation, from every event that touches your life. At an absolute minimum, your¬† learning might be, “I sure don’t want to do that again,” right? And that is learning- and may be damn valuable.

It may be that you just needed that one last repetition. The bottom line is that¬† it’s realistic to have a strong sense of confidence in your ability to learn in¬† any situation you face. That gives you a positive attitude that will build and sustain your energy. You’ll be able to profit from any feedback you get, discoveries you make, and use that information to do even better in the next opportunity.

So think of a situation where you have full confidence in your abilities, any situation where you’re pretty sure that you know exactly how to manage whatever it is that¬† comes up. It could be anything from making breakfast, changing a tire, teaching¬† a group of people – just something you know you can do. Now, here we go again with sub-modalities: notice what comes up for you when you think of that situation. Do you see a picture? You do? Do you hear anything? What?

I suggest that you step into that situation in your mind so you’re associated. This is important for two reasons. First, you’ll get more information. Now you can probably hear what’s going on and you can even hear your self-talk. Notice that – and notice the physical feelings you have in your body.

When you’re actually in that situation, how do you feel physically? Where in your body? Take a moment and write down these details so you can use them as a model to make positive changes. Notice where that feeling resides in your body? What’s¬† it feel like? Is it warm? Is it tingly? Does it move around? Does it make your muscles swell up? Do you breathe more deeply?

What you want to develop here is a list of the specific sensations you have when¬† you’re in an associated experience of being confident.

Once you’ve specified that, it’s important to change your focus of attention, so¬† just for a moment think of your zip code backwards, the five digits backwards.

Now think of a situation that you need to tackle, but where you’re a bit doubtful about yourself. You’re doubtful that you’ll handle it as well as you’d like to.

Once you’ve got one, go into that situation and notice the differences. Notice any images (size, color, distance, etc.) and sounds (volume, tone, location, etc.) and feelings (warm, tingly, moving, etc.). How are these images, sounds, and feelings different from the confident experience that you reviewed a moment ago? Notice where in your body the non-confident feelings are.

Now start changing those feelings. Start replacing them with the qualities of the confident specification: Change the qualities of the image that you’re in to match the qualities of the image when you were confident. Change what you were hearing¬† in your mind’s ear, what self-talk there was, to the same kind of self-talk as when you were confident, and change the body feelings, too.

When I’m feeling confident, I notice I have more mental energy and am actually thinking more clearly than when I’m overly self-conscious or caught up with self-doubt. This is a process that you can easily practice. I recommend doing it every day for at¬† least a week or two if you really want to build your ability to achieve a more confident state of mind.

Excepted from the forthcoming book, “NLP: The Essential Guide” by Tom Hoobyar, Tom Dotz, and Susan Sanders

To be released Jan 29, 2013 Harper Collins, © NLP Comprehensive Reprinted with permission.

Here’s what others are saying:

“NLP: The Essential Guide” is a most welcome book in the land of NLP. The conversational style allows technical concepts to be easily understood and readily applicable.¬† Finally a book both for someone new to NLP and yet a great practical reference for the veteran. “NLP: The Essential Guide” is a liaison between reality and the amazing discoveries of NLP.” – Michael Grinder, National NLP Directory of Education

“NLP: The Essential Guide” is a richly personal journey. You’ll enjoy the anecdotes as you’re guided through exploring how applying the principles and teachings of NLP anywhere and everywhere can make life easier and happier. A unique introduction to NLP where you will experience NLP not so much as a set of concepts, but alive¬† and living.” — Connirae Andreas, author of Core Transformation .

“This is a book written to teach the reader “how to” put the principles of NLP into practice. It was written by two of the most interesting and passionate NLP practitioners in the world. This comes across in a fashion that makes it easy reading and “real” learning, i.e. the explanations and exercises impart new and useful skills. It will teach a serious reader, the nuts and bolts of the “operating software”, with which the mind works while dramatically improving their lives and communications with other people. It’s one of the best introductions into learning NLP in print.” —¬† Frank Bourke, President and Founder, NLP Research & Recognition Project

‘A well organised, practical guide to making NLP work in your life, the personal¬† stories make it easy to relate to and bring the book alive’ — Joseph O’Connor,¬† author of Introducing NLP, The NLP Workbook, and Coaching with NLP

“There must already be at least 200 introductions to NLP, including our own book, Heart of the Mind, published 23 years ago. Why yet another? What is special about this book is that the authors apply the patterns and methods in many different areas of their own lives-thoroughly, and with care and creativity. It may seem a bit wandering at times, but the journey always ends with a heartwarming and human resolution.”¬† -Steve Andreas, author and publisher of the NLP Classics

“Tom and Tom can explain anything and make it clear, motivating and do-able. I highly recommend “NLP: The Essential Guide”. Great stories and techniques to live your life by.” — Shelle Rose Charvet, Author “Words That Change Minds”




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February 22, 23 & 24, 2013¬† “With a Core state as my basis of perception, there is no more fear, just appreciation for the wonders of life.” The Core Transformation Seminar mentors you step by step on a profound journey of self healing. Old limitations dissolve. “Inner peace,” “love” and “oneness” rush in, and become a way of life. Revealed in the simple, step-by-step methods you learn at this event, even deeply-entrenched problems melt away. For many, it feels like a kindness to yourself, one long overdue.¬† For more information visit

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