Last week we brought you another great story of the power of applying just one of the most basic NLP techniques for establishing rapport (“Tuning In” Jan 23, 09)
Here is another example – excerpted from one of the most popular articles we posted last year – of the effectiveness and transformative qualities of NLP
The Power Of Presupposing: Positive Intent
“Gerry was working with a senior executive who oversaw a budget of about $1 billion. This man had important insights and expertise on how to architect a major strategic win in the business. Unfortunately, nobody at his level or above could really hear them. He was viewed as “cold” and “self-serving.” He had a habit of talking over people.
Gerry had just spent about 6 hours with hm in “deep initiation” of the coaching relationship, uncovering his positive intention and core belief — which was largely unconscious:
“In my world, you get further by being right than by being liked. Being right is the pathway by which you ascend in the corporate world.”
So instead of being the heir apparent of a multi-billion dollar enterprise, his adolescent programming was about to cast him aside to the corporate version of Siberia. He holds a key to the future success of the business, but arrogance and renegade behavior is deafening his message.
Positive intentions are funny little beasts. They powerfully perpetuate adolescent behaviors by masking them with social graces (or not). It’s like the “software update” for a particular module of our operating system was never installed. We can see what we do doesn’t work, but we cannot see how to change it.
This individual really wanted his company to be successful. He had studied leadership from all the great sources. He was smart and sophisticated. He didn’t get to the top levels of the boardroom in a company such as this by being incompetent or inept. His intention was strong but his attention was imbalanced – like yin and yang, he over-focused on one side of the equation.
Following is an excerpt from the actual coaching conversation, about what happens when he is presenting his ideas to peers and senior members of his company:
Coach: When you replay the situations where you know you’ve just “blown it” in your mind, what do you remember?
Client: I see the people’s faces tuning out and their body language shutting down.
Coach: Where are you?
Client: I see myself trying to peddle faster. Trying to re-gain the ground I’ve lost by adding more convincing facts and defending my position.
Coach: What happens if you step into the movie and see it from your own eyes?
Client: I feel anxious and increasingly frustrated.
Coach: OK, step out. Now, pretend you’re the director and could re-shoot the scene. How would you change it?
Client: I would ask questions sooner.
Coach: What else?
Client: I would sit down and put myself on their level, and listen to what they had to say.
Coach: What else?
Client: I would stop staring them down with Vulcan-eyes and soften my voice tone; smile and nod.
Coach: Then what happens?
Client: The conversation takes a whole new turn.”
This simple conversation worked so well because Gerry carries no judgment, only curiosity. “Teach me how to be you” is his mantra – playful and profound at the same time.
The ability to automatically separate behavior from intention – and BELIEVE it – diminishes the “on guard” undertow that creates tension in relationships – especially with difficult people. It gets replaced by an attitude of problem-solving, curiosity, perhaps even service. Instead of figuring out how to manipulate or control someone into behaving or following the rules, you are wondering:
“What does that person really want, and how can I help them get it?”
As I listened, I began to wonder: What would happen in today’s businesses and families if everyone carried that as the central question in their mind throughout their day?”
– – Lisa Jackson, Jackson and Schmidt.
Back when I first began producing NLP events Gerry Schmidt was one of the many trainers I hired. He became one those I most respected and used every chance I could. I called him “Mr. Smooth”.
He could lead people to really profound changes and understandings without even breaking a sweat, and do it hour after hour all day long, one person after another, one issue after another.
He, along with several of the other greats, finally became too much in demand in the much more well paid corporate realm. Recently though, as a result of some of the real life stories we’ve shared with you in these newsletters, he is offering a program that is open to the public.
So If you are a professional engaged in coaching, consulting, or organizational change work, it would be appropriate for you to find out more about this new advanced workshop:
The Ecology of Transformation: Advanced Skills for Change Agents
Helping individuals and organizations make sustainable change can be very difficult. Research shows 75% of intentional change efforts to improve organizations fail — often as a direct result of not addressing the root causes of both motivation and resistance. With both addressed, magic is possible!
This “Ecology of Transformation” workshop is a transformational toolkit and experience, based on ground-breaking work developed by NLP master trainers, applying what they have learned with Fortune 100 leaders and consultants, and through years of coaching individuals. If you want new ideas to turnaround a tough change situation, attend this workshop! Click Here for more details. You can call Gerry or Lisa who designed and are delivering this program if you have further questions.
“I applied what I learned in this workshop right away to transform several very important relationships within my organization. It’s amazing how you get no resistance when you learn how to effectively pave the way for change! These tools have altered forever what it means to “be the change I want to see in the world.” — Jamie Kingsley, Senior Vice President, Hawkeye Partners, LP
These conversations with Gerry and Lisa about their recent experiences reminded me of another resource. If leading change is your charge, you’ll want to take advantage off the “Outrageous Consulting” audio seminar.
This is another of those hidden secrets of the masters from NLP Comprehensive.
I was at the bookstore in one of our “graduates only” advanced trainings when a grad known to me, a senior corporate consultant, walked up to me. She was holding a copy of our “Outrageous Consulting” audio seminar in her hand. Usually at these events people take the opportunity to ask me what I think of the program or book they’re considering.
Instead, she said: “I want to tell you what a great program this is. I couldn’t believe it. I had an important client I was afraid of losing. I used just one of the approaches Lara teaches in this program with them – they were my biggest potential client. It landed me a long term contract with a retainer – and this was a client I was afraid of losing to a competitor.”
When I asked her if she’d kindly write that story for you so that you could benefit, she hemmed and hawed and finally demurred. “Well, maybe in a few years. Right now this is giving me such an edge I really don’t want to talk about it so much.”
Which one of the processes embedded in this program was the one that saved her contract? I wish I could say. I really don’t know. Any one of them could have been the one that saved the day. Lara packed this program with her most powerful, exceptional, out of the box methods.
You’d only want to use these carefully, when it’s really important to you. When you really need to land that contract, save that engagement, move your client in a dramatically new direction.
Lara Ewing is one of the most accomplished and daring of the great consultants and trainers matriculated through NLP Comprehensive. Formerly Director of Training and then owner of NLP Comprehensive, she has been exclusively in private practice as an Executive Coach for C-level talent since 1998.
The cost of this program is less than one – twentieth of Lara’s day rate ten years ago. You can’t hire her, but you can get this distillation of her wisdom, talent, and audacity. Along with her partner Suzanne Bailey this six hour plus program is the distilled essence from the last seminar they did together.
If you are an established professional executive coach or corporate consultant, can you really afford not to take the chance that just one thing you learn from this would save your next engagement?
The people reading this who are professionals succeeding in an increasingly tough market know what I mean.
And you know who they are. If they haven’t already, they will be learning and using this material. They will have a marked advantage over those who don’t.
Bottom line: If you don’t already have these arrows in your quiver, you need them.
To Order and for the specifics you’ll get from: Outrageous Consulting Click Here