What stops you in life? If not a lack of actual physical resources, it’s usually negative emotions, usually fear. Learning to rapidly recognize when that is the case can save a lot of wasted time and effort solving non-existent problems.
Here’s a story that will help you with this special kind of sensory awareness.
Word Count 1,372 Reading time: 5.48
You might think the “Sound of Fear” is something like a scream or a yell. But that would be the sound of fear in a movie like “Saw 4” or “Chainsaw Square Dance”, etc.
In real life, most people hear the “Sound of Fear” several times a day. They don’t even know it, and it robs them of their dreams.
Personally I’ve never heard this sound.
Right, not more than two or three thousand times.
Here’s a story that took place during Hot Seats at a Mastermind meeting a while ago.
One of the benefits of masterminding is that you see the inside workings of a lot of businesses without having to own or run them. Multiplies your experience. Even though I already have a lot of experience, more doesn’t hurt.
I’ve been in the work force since I left home at age sixteen. Over 40 occupations. And I’ve been in a couple of Fortune 500 asylums as well as starting several businesses in different industries.
The issues always seem to be the same, whether you’re wearing jeans or three-piece suits.
They are about people, and not so much about what people know as how they feel. And what they feel mostly, is fear.
Back to this Mastermind meeting.
There was a young woman on the Hot Seat and she was talking about how she wanted to move her mother from out-of-state to a house near her and her kids.
“Mom’s getting older and I want her to be in my kids’ life while she’s here. And besides, with Dad gone we’re all the family she has who can take care of her when she needs it.”
I don’t think she was aware that she was twisting a tissue around and around one of her fingers, then unwinding it and starting again.
“So, what stops you from buying a house and moving her down here?” Someone asked.
“Look, I’m working 60 hours a week now running my business and I need to spend SOME time with my kids! I can’t work any harder to make any more money.”
“Huh?” I thought to myself. “That’s weird.”
I knew some of her clients and they loved her. Her business was booming with no end in sight. She was already working hard enough. And maybe even too hard.
So, what’s the deal here?
I asked, “You have enough money to put a down payment on a house for your mother?”
She said, “Yeah, sure.”
I said, “You have enough income to support two households?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“So you have enough money to get her a house,” I said. “And you have enough to carry both households. I don’t understand why you don’t just go ahead and pick out a house for your mother and move her near you right now. Am I missing something?”
I just stopped with that question and looked at her.
The tissue twisted around her finger, untwisted, twisted again. She shifted in her chair and stared at her boyfriend, as if he would tell her the answer.
Then she said, “I, I just don’t know about the future – I mean, what’s gonna happen.”
Her boyfriend and I locked eyes and nodded at each other.
GOTCHA!
That last statement was the sound of her fear.
I said, “Look, do you think you’re ever going to know what’s going to happen? You started a business with no money while your kids were in diapers and you’ve built it up into a successful operation.”
She just looked at me, her eyes getting shiny.
“You’ve already beat some long odds, and no one ever knows what the future’s going to bring. When are you going to feel safe enough to do what you want?”
She smiled, dabbed at her eyes with the wadded up tissue and said, “Now, I guess.”
As she stood up we all applauded her.
Then came an athletic-looking guy in his early forties. He was currently working as a software engineer. In his spare time he was a bicycle racer and he had an idea for a related business that really turned him on.
He was having trouble deciding when he should leave his well paid but boring job to try this sports business that he was so hot about.
We tried several different ways to get the guy to share how he would know when he was ready to launch his effort.
No luck.
Finally I said, “Look. I think your business idea’s worth trying. Several of people here have already told you they’d give you some business.
“We’ve tried for ten minutes to get you to tell us what you had to accomplish before you were ready to leave your job. So far, you haven’t been able to tell us what’s holding you back.”
Another long silence. The guy looked at his hands, his shoes, the wall, everywhere but at me.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“All right, you don’t know,” I said. “Nothing wrong with that. But tell me, if you DID know what’s holding you back, what might it be?”
Another long silence, and then the guy said, “I guess I’m thinking it might not turn out.”
There it was. Another “Sound of Fear”
Now that I know what it is, I realize that I’ve been hearing this sound all my life. I’ve sounded like this myself.
Here’s what struck me about this experience.
Both of these smart hardworking people were scared. But they didn’t look scared. And they didn’t sound scared. They didn’t scream or faint.
Truth is, they didn’t even KNOW they were scared until being in the Hot Seat gave them a chance to really explore what was behind their reluctance to live their dreams. When each of them shined a light on their fears — there was nothing there!
Has a “Not ready” signal ever gone blinking in your mind, keeping you from reaching for something that your heart swelled up for?
Have you sighed, and relaxed and put your dream on a shelf until you were “ready”? Did you drop the takeoff attempt before knowing what you really needed to be able to fly?
So you neglect your dream, waiting for a “Go” signal that will never come because the rules for “Go” have never been explored.
You might listen closely the next time you’re dreaming about some future desire. See if the reasons for waiting are not the “Sound of Fear” instead of the sound of logic and fact.
Oh, yeah. You want to know how the software engineer with the bicycle business dream turned out? Here’s what went on between him and me.
“So, you think the new business might not turn out? I guess that’s reasonable. It might not turn out. And I’m wondering, since there’s no way to know how it will turn out until you try, what would happen if you tried it and it did in fact fail?”
The guy looked at the wall over my head for a moment while he considered this, then he said, “Well, I could just come back to this business and get more work. There’s always plenty of software work for a guy like me.”
“And then what?” I asked.
“Why, then I would save up some money and try it again, using what I learned the first time to do it better the second time!”
His face was relaxed and lit up with excitement.
“And if that one blows too, I’ll just go back into software and get more money and try it again, until I learn enough to make it work!”
I smiled and said, “Sounds like a plan. That it for you?”
The guy stood up smiling, and said, “Yeah. That’s it for me.”
And the next person walked up to the Hot Seat.
You know, you don’t really need to get on a Hot Seat. Any chair in your house will do. You just need a place to relax and ask yourself what holds you back from your next dream.
And listen carefully for the “Sound of Fear”. Then ask yourself if the fears are really deal breakers or just some scary noises in the background. And if they are, turn them off.
Seeya,
Tom
© 2011 TomHoobyar.com
Really glad to hear this now